Those of you who aren't my esteemed colleagues are welcome to talk to me, by the way. It would be quite nice to speak to some people who aren't incurably demented. Although, as the only other person to approach me on this site so far did so in order to cast aspersions on my conduct with a radio chat show host, I'm starting to feel that expecting to find sanity here may be a touch optimistic.

To be honest, I do enjoy the pre-flight checks more than the flying. There's something almost erotic about making sure all the switches are in the right place, testing the landing gear, checking for fuel leakages. Hammond may sneer, but the fact is that you're the only person who can ensure that your little aeroplane doesn't crash. On one of those huge commercial flights, you have to trust your life to complete strangers. When it's your own plane, you know that you only have yourself to blame if you get killed to death. There's a degree of excitement to the checks that those two oafs will never understand.

Also, of course, they drive Hammond into a state of madness and rage, which is always enjoyable.

I appear, alas, to have been rejected by the one 'community' I have applied to join. Apparently, they'd rather not have anyone actually involved in Top Gear breaking in on their discussions.

I can understand their decision, of course; you wouldn't want to risk letting Clarkson or Hammond in to ruin the collective days of everyone there. And, while I have to admit that I am slightly curious about what the good people of the Internet talk about when it comes to our programme, I am not quite curious enough to barge through the doors of private conversation with a virtual battering ram.

Jeremy, I fear, may have no such sense of courtesy.

How exactly does this Livejournal lark work, then?

I notice Clarkson's already got adverts all over his journal. I hope this means his book sales are struggling; he's been insufferable ever since a lone employee at a publishing house went mad and decided to slap a 'Penguin Classics' cover on his collection of complaints as a hilarious practical joke.

Why on Earth did I sign up for this? It'll only be one more way for Clarkson and Hammond to torment me outside work. Well, Clarkson, at least. I don't think Hammond's created one of these 'blog' things yet. Let's hope it stays that way.

Also, it insists on sending me e-mails to inform me that Jeremy is now my 'friend'. I know that Jeremy is my friend, my dear journal website thing. I'm not going to forget it, no matter how much I want to.